DOCTAH HOOOOO!
by John Hitchcock
Summary: The Doctor tries to re-brand himself for younger audiences, much to Clara's frustration. One-shot I wrote out of boredom.


"Good morning, everyone," Clara Oswald said as she stepped into the classroom and looked at her students.

It seemed like just another day at school. She was already living a somewhat convoluted double life working both as a teacher and occasionally going on bizarre and unpredictable adventures through space and time at seemingly random intervals. Most of the time this resulted in her experiencing some dangerous situations and occasionally it turned out to be something weird, like the time the Doctor took her to the Andromeda galaxy to show her a dead fly that landed in the TARDIS.

For now, it was quiet and it didn't seem like anything unusual was going to happen. She looked at her students and began to address them.

"Let's start by taking attendance." Clara muttered. She grabbed a clipboard and began reading off names. One by one, each of the students responded.

"Right" Clara muttered. "Now we can get started. If you remember yesterday I was telling you about Galileo and the Borgias. Can anyone tell me who the other big name was at the time?"

"Shakespeare?"

Clara paused. "Yes…" she muttered. "He was pretty famous, but not who I was thinking of. I'm talking about Machiavelli. He presented some important theories still used today, but more importantly he was part of a secret society known as the assass-"

At that moment, Clara was cut off as the door to the classroom swung off its hinges. It flew across the room, smashing one of the back windows and falling through. A cloud of smoke was building up.

Clara could only stare at the scene in front of her. What just happened? The fire alarm hadn't gone off. Perhaps something went wrong.

"Okay," Clara muttered. "We'd better line u-"

She paused as she saw a figure emerging from the smoke. It was a tall grey-haired man dressed in a very strange attire. He was wearing a sideways baseball cap which appeared to have been placed over a beanie. He also had a thick $ necklace over a white tank top. On every finger he had placed a very thick ring that left her wondering how he could even move them, and that was with the weight of the thick bracelets he was also wearing. He also had a pair of dark sunglasses.

"WAZZUP YO HOMIES! DOCTAH HOO'S IN DA HOOOOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSSE!"

Clara's widened, her jaw hanging open as she stared at the man in front of her. The Doctor had done a tendency to pull weird tricks but _this_ … what was he thinking?

"Um… Doctor?" Clara finally managed to stammer out. "What are you doing?"

"HEY! HEY!" The doctor yelled, pointing his fingers at Clara. "CLARA! MY HOMIE! WAZZUP DOG!"

The kids were obviously very uncomfortable with this.

"Ms. Oswald, why is Peter Capaldi dressed like a gangster?"

"Peter Capaldi?" The Doctor yelled out. "WHO DAT! SOUNDS LIKE A COOL DUDE!"

"Um…" Clara muttered. "Can I talk to you outside?"

"SURE THING MAN!" The Doctor stepped outside. Clara almost instinctly reached for the door, before realizing he had blown it off.

"Seriously, Doctor-"

"Oh I ain't the Doctor anymore, homy. IT'S DOCTAH HOOOOOOO!"

"Okay, fine. Doctor Who-"

"No, no. DocTAH HOO!"

Clara groaned. "FINE! DocTAH HOO! What is this?"

"Well, I just decided I needed to be more hip and cool! This is how to relate to younger people now, isn't it?"

"No. That makes you look ridiculous!"

"Well, perhaps you're too old to appreciate my new hip style! Because this is IN! BABY!"

Clara groaned. "Doctor, you DO realize you're just invoking stereotypes. Nobody actually talks like that?"

"Don't they?"

"No. And that's not the best way to make a good impression on my class."

"I BEG TO DIFFER!" The Doctor reached for his sunglasses and adjusted them as he stepped back into the classroom. He reached into his pockets (which of course are bigger on the inside) and pulled out a boombox which he placed on the desk at the front. He turned it on.

"YO!" He yelled out, barely sounding like a feeble attempt at rapping. "I'M DOCTAH HOO! I Travel through space and time at the zoooooooo!"

Before anyone had to hear any more of his feeble attempts at rapping, the Doctor was struck over the head.

"OW!" He muttered as he collapsed. Clara was standing behind him, a large textbook in hand. She moved toward the door and looked outside. The TARDIS was conveniently parked in the hallway.

She reached for the unconscious Doctor's body and began to drag him towards the door. As she exited the room, she turned towards her class.

"You didn't see anything," she muttered, before stepping outside.


End file.
